Anger

I get angry at times, and I mean dangerous, bad, hostile, shit, raging red, smoke,infected, uncontrollable. Complete blind maniac sensation.

Infinity

There is infinity in my every emotion....the everything that I feel or deny is endless and my life in definition, in circumstance,is an explosion, well contained within myself, so as to not hurt the outside world...but I WANT to hurt everyone sometimes, because I have no one to blame and its confusing because there is no fucking reason for all this contradiction inside.

Contradiction

Im not dead and weak, im not deaf and hallucinating pain, fuck no...Is it so terryfying to feel powerful and ugly and mad and primitive, sometimes the enough and necessary emotion we are after is not an emotion at all...its action, power, movement...to do mad things and live madly, make mistakes, cut, heal, rain fever, inhale energy and breathe out the dizzyness and sever from the normal and bend over the railing and look down into the depth,height,whatever and fucking fall,dive fly, free, instead of waiting to be safe and comfortably incoherent and unconnected.

Connectivity

I need to feel like everything will be new forever. So new, so intricately simple and connected. And I want to be drenched in the sweat of frighful uncertainity of watching something completely, without discarding, as a new born and like I have always wanted to witness. An unbroken, guiltless emotion.

Thought

I have a thought, I hold it in my head for a while...the thought of waking up in the hazy green clearing to the distant sound of a liquid stream and birds and grasshoppers and the spirit of morning sunlight on dew, and watching the orange dawn sky awaken into blue, as the pieces of wood, still warm and tired from burning all night finally give up and leave embers that glow in the free wandering wind. And the sound of everything fills my head clearing out the dirt and bandages from the wounds of a murderous, torturous city life, to which I never really belonged.

Ah Im dying to escape. Forever. Animal dreams. Animal screams.

Too straight, Too sharp

All I know and feel instead, is a four walled one door two windows room and the end of wonder...its failure to break away from a simple trap, there is simply no escape...drugs sex alcohol is only a dream inside another. Its a messy dream. So im sitting here, and Im tied down, raging hot and kindered....but Im sitting quietly and looking too straight...too sharp.

I want everything to be basic again. I want everything to start again...from the molecule and I want to be born with nothing; no emotions, no roof on my head, I want grass under my feet, insects crawling my skin, thunderstorm survival, hunting food, living and wondering about the stars and ignoring the distant growl of the darkness at night; I want to find friends, I want to protect them, I want to trust them to protect me. I want to live.

That is the end and begining, the motive, the knowledge, the proof of being human and feeling certain.

"Pure as we begin.
Pure as we come in.
Pure as we begin.
Ruled by will alone."

I want to be ruled by will alone.
how did we forget everything?

How?